After Dan Sims learned that his childhood best friend had taken his own life, he felt an overwhelming sense of remorse. Why didn’t he message me the whole time I wanted to?
Dan and his friend Tom grew up together in Caldicott, Monmouthshire, but lost contact after Dan briefly moved to Canada.
“I could have been his friend and maybe saved his life – that thought is always in the back of my mind,” the 23-year-old said.
In November, about six years after Tom died at age 18, Dan lost another friend, Rory, 35, to suicide.
“One morning he was at the gym…he seemed happy, excited, full of energy…that very night he went missing and the next morning we… I learned that he sadly took his own life,” Dan said.
“It’s still very raw.”
Dan, who is no stranger to mental health issues himself, aims to raise awareness of male suicide, encourage men to talk about it, and raise money for the charity Andy’s Man Club and the family of his deceased friend. I decided to take on the challenge.
On February 24th, the day after his 24th birthday, he undertook the epic task of walking from Caldicott in Monmouthshire to Amsterdam.
The journey takes you across the Severn Bridge to Bristol, then via Corsham, Oxford and Swindon to Harwich, where you catch the ferry to Hollandhoek and continue walking to the Dutch capital.
It included walking 400 km (248.5 miles), staying at friends’ houses and cheap hotels along the way, and occasionally camping, with an average of 31 km (19 miles) per day, hoping to complete the distance in 13 days. There is.
He said he hoped his walk would make people with mental health problems feel “valued, valued and understood.”
Dan said, “I purposely chose this period to make it difficult. I hope it will be a lonely and painful experience.”
“Mental illness is a lonely and painful experience. This walk symbolizes the cold, lonely and dark journey through a mental health crisis. Summer walks are too easy. This has to be the right challenge. It didn’t happen.”
Over the past decade, suicide rates among men have been higher in Wales than in England, according to the latest ONS data.
In 2022, the highest suicide rate for men was in the north-east of England at 12.8 per 100,000, followed by Wales and the north-west of England at 12.5.
It also shows that men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women in Wales.
“It’s heartbreaking to feel like we have to do this when we’re so lost and devastated,” Dunn said.
It was during Dan’s final year of secondary school that he found himself in a “dark place” when his own mental health began to deteriorate.
“I used that as an excuse to be kind of rude to people, very aggressive, very mean,” he said.
“I had a good heart deep down, but my mental health issues took over.”
He said he would sometimes get very angry because he was conscious of scaring those around him.
He didn’t want to talk to his doctor’s counselor.
“Number one, I didn’t feel like anyone understood, and number two, I didn’t feel like anyone really cared,” he said.
“I didn’t want to open up to anyone because I had been betrayed and disappointed by so many people. I didn’t trust anyone and I still don’t trust anyone 100%. not.”
Dan married his childhood sweetheart Chloe last year, and is now busy working as a warehouse manager, Amazon delivery driver, and online strength coach, and says he feels mentally stronger.
“I’m in a very good place mentally now…I know how to deal with the problems that come my way,” he said.
He said things that help his mental health include going to the gym, working hard, eating well, spending time with the right people, and his faith.
Another coping strategy is to “turn negative emotions into positive ones.” A recent example is channeling his grief into planning for a challenge he’s about to take on.
However, he admits that he still finds it difficult to talk about his feelings.
“I always say it’s very, very important for men to talk, and I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but I don’t really talk to anyone,” he said.
The loss of Tom and Rory taught him that humans can continue to suffer in silence.
“Some people don’t show any symptoms; [Rory] “There weren’t many signs that he was suffering,” he said.
He said he is now determined to be there for others.
“No other family should have to go through what these two families are going through right now, which is very sad.”
