I opened the passenger door of the Cutlass Sierra, climbed in, and closed the door behind me. I had managed to keep my composure in front of my classmates, but the familiarity of my dad and the old red station wagon brought tears to my eyes. It was too much, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What’s the matter, Suze?” my father asked as we pulled into the road and walked toward the house.
Sobbing bitterly and stammering, I related the events of that day. I had no friends at school, and I usually ate alone and sat on a bench during recess. Silence and a good book were the only comfort I needed to feel content and secure. But that day, as they sometimes did, a group of my classmates pierced the veil of comfort and surrounded the bench, hurling spiteful comments at me.
No one likes you because you’re fat and ugly.
White girls shouldn’t have afros. I’m gonna call you Afro Joe.
Your parents wish you had never been born.
I could go on, but my point is not to give a modern voice to the ghosts of nine years old. I silently absorbed their hateful words to the core of my being as a child. And I held back tears because I knew that shedding tears would make things worse. I would be labeled a “crybaby.”
Because, despite the harsh words I’d already received, the crybabies were even more painful. And that point was driven home when I turned to my dad for comfort that afternoon. My dad was a loving, caring father, but he’d come from a time when men were expected to behave in a certain way, and his well-intentioned advice that day was illustrative.
“Don’t cry! You have to be a brave soldier,” he explained. “From now on, you will only cry if you break your arm or if someone dies.”
The message was clear: crying is bad. To be avoided at all costs (except in one of the approved scenarios). The kids who were nasty to me on the playground were just being childish. But I was just too sensitive.
I felt too fragile, too vulnerable for this world.
Returning to this week at work, I am 45 years old and have been working in insurance agency for 20 years. With all my knowledge and experience, I feel like I should be an expert in every aspect of my job. But behind the insurance jargon and know-how, there remains a part of me. From a shy and sensitive girl, I am now a woman, caring for others and not good at difficult interactions.
After a stressful few months, my workload had increased, and I was having tough conversations with policyholders daily about inflation and rising interest rates. I was on edge, and so was the client who called the office. He was dealing with his own financial and health issues, in addition to a recent car accident, and from the moment I answered the phone, he spent a full 10 minutes angrily telling me why I was personally responsible for his living situation.
At first, I braced myself to withstand the barrage. But after a few minutes, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. They became difficult to hold back. Unable to respond to his concerns in my usual kind and constructive way, I simply muttered “I’m so sorry” over and over again until he hung up the phone.
Once the call was over, I regained my composure, went to the bathroom to cry some ugly tears, then returned to my desk and got back to my day’s work.
Usually I would chastise myself for crying in front of others. I remember being a scared little girl surrounded by bullies. I remember my dad’s rules about when it’s okay to cry. But this time, I just spat it outI told my coworkers and my boss what was going on and released my emotions, and that’s when I healed.
I’m writing this for anyone who has ever bottled up their emotions or beat themselves up for crying in public. Crying is a vital human experience, and it’s important to think about how you view it. I’m tired of getting angry at myself for feeling things so deeply. I want to embrace those parts of myself more. They give me empathy that I cherish, and that gift helps me show up in life the way I want to.
Here are three reasons why you should love yourself by expressing your emotions publicly and why it can help heal you and those around you.
1. Crying is a natural emotional release
Science shows that crying is a healthy way to express and process emotions, and when we cry because of our emotions, our bodies release stress hormones and toxins.“The researchers “Crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help relieve both physical and emotional pain.”
On the other hand, holding back tears can increase stress and anxiety. It can also give you headaches. If you’ve ever tried to hold back tears, you know it’s not easy. Sometimes it can seem downright impossible to hide strong emotions. So I’ve learned to give myself a break and stop criticizing myself for expressing who I am.
2. Crying helps us connect with others
When I cried at work, no one got angry or called me unprofessional — everyone was kind, understanding, and sympathetic, and I felt closer to them after telling them what happened and why I was crying.
People who see you crying may feel empathy and sympathy for you. This shared vulnerability leads to stronger connections and a sense of community. Tears make you more likely to elicit empathy and support from others. Studies have shown that crying people are perceived as more cooperative and less aggressive. Tears also promote social bonding.
I realized that hiding my emotions comes primarily from fear of being criticized. However, often the opposite is true. There are many kind-hearted, caring people out there who want to help and support others. So let go of your fears and ask for help when you need it. Harshly criticizing yourself for crying in public comes from self-criticism. I try to be kind to myself and accept my emotions without judgment. This acceptance is essential for emotional well-being.
3. Crying is a sign of strength
My father comes from a generation where men were considered weak when they showed their emotions. This is changing, but the perception is still widespread. However, it takes courage to openly express your emotions. Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re aware of your emotions and aren’t afraid to admit them.
By expressing your emotions openly, you contribute to creating a culture that values mental health. This in turn encourages others to express themselves more openly, creating a more tolerant society. Remember, emotions are part of the human experience. Expressing your emotions freely is a step towards mental health and well-being.
