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As a long-time yoga teacher and student, I have witnessed countless instances of “girl-on-girl” crime. ” This is how I refer to female yoga teachers deliberately undermining each other as they try to establish themselves as important within the yoga community.
These girl-on-girl crimes are rarely outward attacks. Rather, it tends to take the form of critical stares, off-handed comments, constant gossip, questions meant to humiliate, and even outright sabotage. And to be honest, I can also see where I’ve done this myself.
There was a yoga teacher who once taught a class before me, but she got too excited and didn’t finish on time. Not only is this a disadvantage to students who don’t finish on time, but it also makes the room smelly and the floor wet with sweat. If her scheduled 15 minutes between classes had been kept, this would not have been a problem as the room could have been ventilated and the floor dry. I once asked her if she could finish sooner. Her reaction was to laugh it off and for weeks afterwards she was unable to change her behavior. This is a reaction that is the very definition of passive-aggressiveness.
It took me a long time to identify what it was about this that made me uncomfortable and why. Eventually I realized that it was her subtle, non-confrontational, dismissive manner in which she handled my request that made the situation feel as dirty as her floor where she left it. .
Nevertheless, I have inflicted similar acts on others. I excitedly shared a story about a female friend, but it was taken out of context and sounded exactly like gossip. I got caught up in the moment of sharing great news and quickly realized it wasn’t the news I wanted to share. I had a long discussion, first with myself and then with a friend. I told her how sorry I was for her, that I knew better, and that I was going to do better too. I needed to make it clear that my intention was to celebrate and in no way hurt.
I hope I can learn the fine difference between making excuses for myself and growing into a smarter woman. Every time we recognize this girl-on-girl behavior within ourselves, we have an opportunity to quash it and evolve.
These examples are tame compared to what many of us witness and experience on a regular basis. These situations happen countless times every day at yoga studios and yoga-centered businesses. While these scenarios are common, they are not the essence of yoga.
We are all human. However, I decided to consider the women vs. women issue and exclude men and non-binary individuals because of what I have witnessed from the thousands of women I have worked with over the years. . Many of us act with malicious intent. There are many reasons why I want this behavior to stop, but among them is to encourage others, including students and children, that thoughtfulness and kindness start with us. Because we need to set an example.
How can we celebrate other women?
We can only change our behavior, not yoga as a whole. However, we can do our best to ensure that women in our communities are always supported. Here are some ways I’ve found to celebrate and uplift other women.
cooperate
In the past, I have invited colleagues to lead part of my prenatal yoga teacher training. In addition to being a yoga teacher, she is also a physical therapy doctor and taught us how to assess ourselves for certain symptoms. There was no sense of competition at all. Our collaboration has resulted in more knowledge to protect and empower students.
When we recognize the strengths of other women and share our role in teaching them, we align ourselves with the saying, “Alone we go faster, together we go further.” This might be like inviting another teacher to lead a section of a yoga class or workshop in a way that lets that teacher’s strengths shine.
share wisdom
The wisdom of yoga is meant to be shared. Mentoring others allows them to use their power as a guide. In this way, we truly become part of the yogic lineage. When we withhold our knowledge from other teachers, it is a disservice to everyone involved. As instructors, we can lift others off our shoulders to help them reach greater heights.
celebrate success
When a woman (or anyone) learns something or achieves something they’ve been striving to achieve, it should be celebrated. We each have unique gifts, and celebrating someone else’s gift does not take away your own. If other yoga teachers inspire you by creating beautiful playlists, writing inspirational social media posts, or leading teacher trainings, let them know. please.
Many of us end our classes by stopping and acknowledging each other. Recognizing the talents of others is one way we bring meaning to our daily lives.
tell me the truth
If a friend says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself if that friend is the person you really need. If so, you need to be honest and say something like, “That didn’t feel right.” Vulnerability can be the gateway to honest communication and stronger friendships.
Apologize quickly and forgive quickly
If you have done something hurtful, a genuine thank you can go a long way. This can take the form of, “I’m sorry. I won’t do that again,” “Thank you for sharing your experience,” or “We value our friendship.”
As someone on the receiving end of an apology, you’ll know if it’s sincere because it doesn’t include any excuses. An apology doesn’t start with, “I’m sorry you felt that way, but…”
First offenses require discussion, and a sincere apology can lead to forgiveness. If the behavior repeats, you’ll know when it’s time to instill stronger boundaries and walk away.
Embarking on difficult conversations is not for the faint of heart, but there may be a connection behind forgiveness. We know from our yoga practice that growing up isn’t easy, and that sitting in the discomfort revealed by self-study can be incredibly depressing. . But a meaningful expansion occurs here.
It doesn’t feel good to take extreme responsibility for ourselves and our actions, but it’s necessary if we’re going to praise and uplift others. This is not a catchphrase. It is a mission and a vow. Something that needs to be taken more seriously.
About contributors
Desi Bartlett MS CPT E-RYT is a women’s health expert and internationally published author. For more information, please visit: digibartlet.com
