I am often asked by friends, relatives, and colleagues, “How is your father?” “How are your parents doing?” I wonder, especially after returning home from home. After years of trying to interpret things as more positive than the truth, I’ve recently defaulted to saying “It’s not good” or “He’s worse. He’s worse.” He will never get better. ” These reactions usually make people grimace or apologize. Of course, I’m not going to give you an answer like this.
I have a question for you. What better way to answer this question honestly without being a real Debbie Downer? The person asking the question already knows his condition, so don’t expect sunshine and rainbows to appear. Not that I am, but I know that just because I fully accept how bad the situation is doesn’t mean others want an honest answer from me.
Additional question: How should I respond when people apologize for his condition? I always shrug and say I’m calm about the situation, but again this seems unnecessary. It feels awkward and often makes me feel (and probably seem) insensitive.
— A gloomy (but not gloomy!) daughter
daughter: I’m really sorry that this happened. Do you think that statement is an apology? Because it’s not. In this context, “I’m sorry” is an expression of sympathy and empathy. My friend says, “I’m sorry this happened.” Because they are. (Sometimes when someone delivering tough personal news responds with “I’m sorry” with “Why? It’s not your fault,” this negates the person’s attempt to be kind.) It’s a reaction like that.)
Will telling the truth about your father’s condition make you a “Debbie Downer”? no. “It’s me who is sad. I don’t have that. For me, every time I go home I have depressing nightmares and no one is there to help me,” Debbie tells her story.
You think your local friends and relatives don’t “want” honest answers to polite questions, but they’re willing to help you, even if the unvarnished truth doesn’t feel like enough in the moment. I think they want honesty. Instead of shrugging, you can encourage further communication (if that’s what you want) by saying, “Thank you for always listening to my family.” Even if it’s not good news, I’m really grateful. ”
Dear Amy: When a person dies, are items given by a child (or grandchild) considered the property of the parent, or do the items return to the person who gave them to the deceased?
Example: Years ago, a grandchild gave his grandparents something valuable. The grandson slept at the house for several days after the funeral. When they left, they removed the item from the wall and took it with them. Also, one of the grandparents’ children visited the house and brought back items that the siblings had given to the grandparents.
What is proper etiquette in this situation?
Wondering: This is not a matter of etiquette. Actually, theft is more of a problem. Grandparents’ belongings belong to the estate and should be kept at home until the estate is finalized. The executor or administrator of the estate is responsible for administering the will and the process of distributing the assets. The best way to divide your estate is with the full consent and cooperation of your heirs.
If grandparents left their property to their children, ideally those children would gather at home and peacefully divide the property according to an organized system (my family uses a lottery system). ). Yes, gifts given to the deceased are often returned to the giver, but it is important that the heirs agree to this.
Problems arise when you take things out of the home without the knowledge or consent of your heirs. And sometimes lawsuits.
Dear Amy: “a cautious wife” She was worried because her older husband had been sending private messages on Facebook with a much younger woman. Thank you for pointing out that it is probably a “catfish”. But you didn’t hint at the ongoing impact of this. Catfish scams are popular and often lead to financial abuse.
Alert people should check their bank accounts carefully. This scam often asks for money or gift cards. How do I know? I’ve been fooled!
have been to: That’s great advice. thank you.
© 2024 Written by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
